God Hand [Meta-Review]

January 5th, 2010 by templewulf

The astute among you may have noticed that our first post linked to the most depraved, mind-boggling article in the history of games journalism. It was such a terrible review that I have not returned to IGN except to take measure of how low the bar may permissibly be set. I may have been late in hopping on the “can’t spell ignorance without IGN” bandwagon, but what I lack in initiative I compensate for in acerbic frothing.

To give you a sense of the grand scope necessary to appreciate how awful this review was, God Hand’s premise is basically a Fist-of-the-North-Star post-apocalyptic wasteland overrun by parodies of classic gamer and anime subcultures. Throw in a dash of surf rock, the franchise-rescuing controls of Capcom’s own Resident Evil 4, a make-your-own-combo fighting system, and the funniest rogues gallery on the PS2.

How can anyone find nothing amusing in that mix? I propose that base knave Chris Roper simply hates fun.

Time for a metahpor: God Hand is the opposite of an Internet Tough Guy. Instead of pompous, opportunistic cowards, God Hand is charming, self-effacing, and legitimately tough.

Who Should Buy It: As an action game fan (e.g. Devil May Cry, Ninja Gaiden) I thought it was a steal at 40 USD, let alone today's used prices. If you like a challenge, you're sure to find many hours of fun in God Hand.

Who Should Rent It: If you have experience playing beat-'em-ups in the 80s/90s, watching anime, watching kung fu movies, playing fighting games, wading through Internet subculture, or just a quirky sense of humor then you're sure to get plenty of laughs out of this one.

Who Should Trash It: anyone who simultaneously hates action games, jokes and Japanese people.

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